Test of humour

[chief]

Back in the old days, I bought an Avocado, added a leash and some tacks for legs... led it into quarters in the staff lounge of SSC/NTC where I was an instructor. The room, full of my peers, all senior petty officers/instructors, seemed to freeze in time. The Senior Chief stopped what he was saying... looked at me for a moment, looked at my thoroughbred Avocado and calmly said " Leave approved"... before proceeding with the daily whatsit over the roar of laughter. I sold about a dozen shares in my Avocado Breeding Range that day. And, every leave I requested was granted from that day until I left NTC.

Now THAT was a real test of humor!

[John Hopkins]

A blind man walks into a bar with a cabbage on a lead, the bartender asks him why he has a cabbage on the lead, Cabbage? he replies...They told me it was a collie..

[David Baker]

John... I was at the Doctor's the other day... My primary physician is a woman... She informed me I need to stop masturbating... When I asked her why?... She replied, "Cause I'm trying to examine you!"... Not missing a beat I told her, If you'd give me a hand we can both finish a lot sooner.

[49Reo]

  You're a funny guy, John Hopkins!

[John Hopkins]

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find myself next to a really ugly woman. That's when I realised I had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.

Just had my water bill of £475 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.

ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!

In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth.

An Scotsman has started his own business in Afghanistan! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

[John Hopkins]

Just had a chance to watch him. Had me laughing out loud, literally. I think humor is pretty universal along with laughter! This guy is good! He would have no trouble makin' here in the States, especially with the accent, makes the story tellin' even better!!!!

If you are talking about Ken Dodd there is no chance of him doing a gig in the States..He's 86 years old now..The joke about the income tax was because he had just been charged a fortune for back taxes although the inland revenue couldn't get a jury to find him guilty of Tax fraud.

And of course he comes from the same town as the beatles..

John.

[chief]

I'm not a good example... having lived in England and Scotland... I tend to enjoy most Brit humor... toilet humor aside.

[nhtrikes]

Just had a chance to watch him. Had me laughing out loud, literally. I think humor is pretty universal along with laughter! This guy is good! He would have no trouble makin' here in the States, especially with the accent, makes the story tellin' even better!!!!

[John Hopkins]

I'm not at all prudish and if I have to I can swear with the best of them..but I would enjoy him more if he cut back on the swearing

Now if you can find a video of Ken Dodd..he has the world record for the longest session of joke telling..I think it is over 24 hours.. and not one swear word..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1WDC6qngP4

If you liked him click on the Ken Dodd medley at the end..

John.

[aralph]

I'm with Rat on this one, this guy is entertaining.

aralph

[CDNRatMan]

  don't know about the yanks but I enjoyed it.....

[John Hopkins]

Let's see if British humour is funny in the USA..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zuaWWEiBpI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnr3gsRNwS0

John.