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Posted by CDNRatMan
- November 06, 2015, 20:50:46 PM 
the novice nun comes running into the Mother Superior's office, and tells her, "i was walking back from the market and was attacked in the woods by a large man and he had his way with me" .......the Mother Superior tells quickly run to the kitchen and get a large lemon and suck on it till I get there.
The novice starts to head off and stops turns and asks will that stop me from getting pregnant?
The Mother Superior shakes her head and say's................
No but it will wipe that smile off your face......................................
Posted by greenbarn
- November 06, 2015, 20:38:38 PMSister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Sheila says: "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"\
Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she exclaims: "What the *#@%D!* did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats.
Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says: "Oh, Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"
Posted by greenbarn
- November 06, 2015, 20:20:06 PMReminds me of the priest who asked the nun if he can walk her back to the convent.
She says, "Just this once."
Upon arriving, he asks if he can kiss her.
She replies, "Well, alright, as long as you don't get into the habit."
Posted by DC
- November 06, 2015, 20:04:02 PMA police officer pulled over two nuns riding on a motorcycle, and said to the rider, 'Ma'am, you're driving much too slowly, could you please drive faster?"
The nun says, 'Oh, I saw the sign with the "21" and assumed the speed limit was 21 km/h". The officer explains: 'No ma'am, the speed limit is 80. The highway number is Interstate 21."
Then the police officer look at the passenger and see the other nun shaking like a leaf. "Excuse me sister, but what's wrong with your passenger?" "Oh, that's probably because we just got off Highway 205."
Posted by DC
- November 06, 2015, 18:22:51 PMHA! Good one! 
Posted by Hoggy
- November 04, 2015, 20:11:33 PMA drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck ass naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it and begged for more!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...................
"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk
Posted by DC
- November 03, 2015, 15:13:51 PMGood one, Hoggy!
Posted by Hoggy
- November 01, 2015, 08:53:26 AMIrish Neighbours!
A double-homicide defendant is in court in Dublin. The Judge says to him, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer. " A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The Judge says, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The Judges stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
Posted by Hoggy
- November 01, 2015, 08:45:58 AMPaddy Murphy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it.
He phones the police and says "I've just found a sandwich that looks like a bomb."
The operator asks, "Is it tickin?"
Paddy says, "No I tink it's beef"
Posted by 49Reo
- October 30, 2015, 14:54:53 PMThe Bronze Rat
A tourist walks into a curio shop in New York City. Looking around at the exotics, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it.He took it to the owner:
"How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner.
The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was very disconcerting, and he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
He began to trot toward the Hudson River, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS -- and they were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the river, and threw the bronze rat as far out into the river as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "you have come back for the story?"
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze anti-gunner."
Posted by CDNRatMan
- October 15, 2015, 17:00:46 PMif the size 14 fits wear it......
Posted by 49Reo
- October 15, 2015, 14:44:01 PMQuote from: CDNRatMan on October 14, 2015, 22:54:58 PMwell let us see.....
1. your old
2. you hunt
3. your old
4. you live like a farmer
5. your old
6. sounds a lot like you
7. your oldok enough reasons to drag you into this
. And just WHO are you calling.........old......
Posted by DC
- October 15, 2015, 10:30:49 AMPosted by CDNRatMan
- October 14, 2015, 22:54:58 PMQuotewell let us see......so how did I get drug in to this?.....
1. your old
2. you hunt
3. your old
4. you live like a farmer
5. your old
6. sounds a lot like you
7. your old
ok enough reasons to drag you into this
Posted by 49Reo
- October 14, 2015, 22:49:25 PM.....so how did I get drug in to this?......