New Year Resolutions

[Troll]

  I've been thinking about this for a while (not a long while) and I've decided to use the ones I kept from last year, since they already have a proven track record. No smoking, no drinking of intoxicants, and lose more weight...I only need to drop 5 more pounds....and , of course, my perennial resolution of riding at least 10,000 miles....

[CDNRatMan]

 I may need to borrow a few of them from you.....

[John Hopkins]

Here are some hilarious ideas for your new year's resolutions which are stupid but mildly amusing.

For my new year's resolution I will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports

For my new year's resolution I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

For my new year's resolution I will take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking – it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs

For my new year's resolution I will think of a password other than "password"

For my new year's resolution I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing

For my new year's resolution I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses

For my new year's resolution I will only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable

For my new year's resolution I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store

For my new year's resolution I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when I'm not in them

For my new year's resolution I will do less laundry and use more deodorant

For my new year's resolution I will stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with my wife & kids

For my new year's resolution I will stop replying to funny jokes I hear by saying LOL

Happy New Year folks.

John.