GUEST? Registration opens up many more resources which are not available to guests. Registration is free, we never sell or give others access to your information.
Posted by Hoggy
- June 08, 2016, 17:30:00 PM 
Posted by DC
- June 08, 2016, 11:57:11 AMOle, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously.
On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?".
Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ole called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take ta fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?
"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.
"Vell, said Ole, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice."
Ole an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, " There are no fish under the ice."
They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?"
The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lars: "Ole, stand in fronna my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking".
Ole: "Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No...."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July.
The directions on the can said "put on two coats".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new camper. As usual, they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. Sven was just starting down a grade to go under a bridge when he slams on the brakes.
Ole: Vat da heck you do dat for, Sven?
Sven: Dat sign dere says "Low Bridge. No Vehicles Over Twelve Feet High." Dis here camper is t'irteen feet!
Ole: Cripes almighty Sven, dere ain't no cops around. Yust hit da gas pedal and go for it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ole says to the doctor at Mayo Clinic: "I got a problem. I have a big bowel movement at 6 in da morning every day."
Doctor: "That sounds perfectly normal. Why are you so worried about it?"
Ole: "Yah, but I don't vake up until 7."
Posted by Hoggy
- June 07, 2016, 22:24:42 PMRough Road
Posted by Hoggy
- February 15, 2016, 19:22:03 PMQuote from: CDNRatMan on February 14, 2016, 13:35:58 PMok let us offend everyone.....
Yeah, that pretty much covers it.
Posted by CDNRatMan
- February 14, 2016, 13:35:58 PM ok let us offend everyone.....
I came out of the chip shop with a meat/potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man, sitting there, said, "I've not eaten for two days."
I said to him, "I wish I had your willpower!"
Apparently, "young blacks" and "Romanian gypsies" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. She said, "Sorry about the wait."
I said, "Don't worry my dear.. You might lose it eventually."
An Irish boy stood crying at the side of the road. A man asked him, "What's wrong?"
The boy said, "Me ma is dead."
"Oh bejaysus," the man said. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?"
The boy said, no tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment."
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a bus or train and think to yourself, "I'm gonna take that!"
A man in a hot air balloon was lost over Ireland. He looked down and saw a farmer in the fields and shouted down to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looked back up and shouted back, "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."
I had this trivia competition in the bag until the very last question, which I got wrong. The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair ?"
Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
A fat woman had a medical at the doctors, he told her, your are grossly overweight, she said, I want a second opinion, he said, O.K. you're bloody ugly as well.
Posted by Hoggy
- February 10, 2016, 11:59:56 AMPaddy is walking down the street with a bag of doughnuts in his hand. He spots Mickey coming the other way and says:
Mickey if you can guess how many doughnuts I have in the bag you can have both of them.
She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want
don't you ?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!"
Paddy gets a letter through the letterbox and it lands on the floor. In big bold letters on the front it says 'DO NOT BEND'. Paddy's still there wondering how he's going to pick it up.
What do you call an Irishman sitting on a couch? "Paddy O'Furniture"
Posted by mittico68
- February 10, 2016, 09:16:06 AMA man says to a woman: "I work where everybody have fun..."
The lady says: "So, you're a deejay?"
And the man: "No, gynecologist...".
Posted by DC
- February 10, 2016, 08:38:17 AMQuote from: Hoggy on February 09, 2016, 21:24:12 PMOverheard from someone talking to a Scotsman. . . . . . . .LUCK Of the IRISH
Dear Mr. MURPHY,We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness
on your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was lipstick.We deeply regret the amputation.
Q: What's under the kilt?
A: On a good day. . . . . lipstick!
Posted by greenbarn
- February 09, 2016, 21:40:16 PMOld Irish saying: "There are only 3 kinds of men who don't understand women: Young men, Middle-aged men, and Old men".....
Posted by Hoggy
- February 09, 2016, 21:24:12 PMLUCK Of the IRISH
Dear Mr. MURPHY,We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness
on your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was lipstick.
We deeply regret the amputation.
Posted by CDNRatMan
- February 04, 2016, 23:30:50 PMah je comprends maintenant..............
ride safe.....
Posted by Hoggy
- February 04, 2016, 22:13:17 PMil est un Français parisien de cours.
Posted by CDNRatMan
- February 04, 2016, 11:39:28 AM Hoggy is the a Frenchman or a QC'er? 
Posted by DC
- February 04, 2016, 08:44:29 AM
Posted by Hoggy
- February 03, 2016, 21:29:20 PMThere are 4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there's the sound of a loud slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks: "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him."
The pretty young blonde thinks." I bet that Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, but got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."
The Frenchman thinks: "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me."
The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Frenchman again."