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Posted by CDNRatMan
- January 07, 2016, 16:10:33 PMWell I learned what celibacy is all about today.
A friend had to attend some classes for married couples as part of a work relation thing, and spouses were really strongly suggested that they attend.
Well my buddy did really will till they got to the Q and A section. The guest lecturer was asking a series of questions and the class was responding. The first question was ...........
"What is your wife's favorite flower?"
his answer.........
" it is Robin, correct, Robin Hood flour?"
seems he has been celibate since that day........
Posted by Hoggy
- December 26, 2015, 22:42:00 PMA JEWISH CHRISTMAS STORY
The teacher was very curious about how each of her students' celebrated Christmas Eve "Tell me Patrick, what do you do on Christmas Eve?" she asked.Patrick addressed the class. "Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
"Very nice Patrick, now Jimmy Brown, what do you do?"
"Well Miss, me and my sister go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
Remembering there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now Jimmy Cohen, what do you do on Christmas Eve?"
"Well Miss, it's the same old thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside we look at all the empty shelves and sing "What a friend we have in Jesus". Then we go to the Bahamas."
Posted by DC
- December 19, 2015, 10:34:09 AMOh my! 
Posted by pcarrell
- December 19, 2015, 09:15:14 AMI got to be my ripe old age by living a good clean life and thinking only pure thoughts. I know nothing of this brothel and all of that frolicking. Jenny, Rita, Lola, and Madam Bouvie are all very fine and upstanding young ladies!
Posted by CDNRatMan
- December 18, 2015, 21:34:51 PM 
ah ok makes sense now.........
Posted by Hoggy
- December 18, 2015, 20:57:31 PMQuote from: greenbarn on December 18, 2015, 17:02:45 PMShe agreed to take Canadian Money as long as he would take his change in Monopoly Money.That's funny.....So... what did she say??
Posted by DC
- December 18, 2015, 17:26:46 PM 
Posted by CDNRatMan
- December 18, 2015, 17:16:23 PMI don't understand........PC help me out here buddy
Posted by greenbarn
- December 18, 2015, 17:02:45 PMThat's funny.....So... what did she say??
Posted by Hoggy
- December 17, 2015, 17:13:40 PMBob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first time in Lincoln, Nebraska, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel.
The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, No!" and walks quickly away!
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can and literally runs away!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management.
She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.
She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over to Bob and says that she's the best in the house and she is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, and drink a little, and she sits in his lap.
And Bob leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian dollars?"
Posted by DC
- December 05, 2015, 13:29:19 PMTwo Minnesota engineers are standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Lena walks by and asks what they're doing.
"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, "says Ole, "but ve don't haff a ladder."
Lena takes a wrench out of her purse, loosens a couple bolts and lays the pole down on the ground. She then takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, measures the pole and announces, "Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walks away.
Ole shakes his head and laughs. "Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!"
Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Senate.
Posted by DC
- December 05, 2015, 13:24:10 PM
Posted by 49Reo
- December 04, 2015, 10:12:48 AMFor several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. Perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a we cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.
Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
Posted by DC
- December 03, 2015, 11:26:35 AMQuote from: greenbarn on December 02, 2015, 19:39:22 PMThat's how I got hooked on Farm Show. One of my wives gave me a subscription for Xmas, many years ago.I used to get my father-in-law's Farm Show's second hand. ALways enjoyed them.... That reminds me, I haven't seen one in a long time, maybe a good idea for a Christmas gift subscription for him.
Posted by greenbarn
- December 02, 2015, 19:39:22 PMI used to get my father-in-law's Farm Show's second hand. ALways enjoyed them.... That reminds me, I haven't seen one in a long time, maybe a good idea for a Christmas gift subscription for him.