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Posted by Hoggy
- December 18, 2015, 20:57:31 PMQuote from: greenbarn on December 18, 2015, 17:02:45 PMShe agreed to take Canadian Money as long as he would take his change in Monopoly Money.That's funny.....So... what did she say??
Posted by DC
- December 18, 2015, 17:26:46 PM 
Posted by CDNRatMan
- December 18, 2015, 17:16:23 PMI don't understand........PC help me out here buddy
Posted by greenbarn
- December 18, 2015, 17:02:45 PMThat's funny.....So... what did she say??
Posted by Hoggy
- December 17, 2015, 17:13:40 PMBob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first time in Lincoln, Nebraska, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel.
The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, No!" and walks quickly away!
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can and literally runs away!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management.
She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.
She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over to Bob and says that she's the best in the house and she is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, and drink a little, and she sits in his lap.
And Bob leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian dollars?"
Posted by DC
- December 05, 2015, 13:29:19 PMTwo Minnesota engineers are standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Lena walks by and asks what they're doing.
"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, "says Ole, "but ve don't haff a ladder."
Lena takes a wrench out of her purse, loosens a couple bolts and lays the pole down on the ground. She then takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, measures the pole and announces, "Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walks away.
Ole shakes his head and laughs. "Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!"
Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Senate.
Posted by DC
- December 05, 2015, 13:24:10 PM
Posted by 49Reo
- December 04, 2015, 10:12:48 AMFor several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. Perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a we cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.
Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
Posted by DC
- December 03, 2015, 11:26:35 AMQuote from: greenbarn on December 02, 2015, 19:39:22 PMThat's how I got hooked on Farm Show. One of my wives gave me a subscription for Xmas, many years ago.I used to get my father-in-law's Farm Show's second hand. ALways enjoyed them.... That reminds me, I haven't seen one in a long time, maybe a good idea for a Christmas gift subscription for him.
Posted by greenbarn
- December 02, 2015, 19:39:22 PMI used to get my father-in-law's Farm Show's second hand. ALways enjoyed them.... That reminds me, I haven't seen one in a long time, maybe a good idea for a Christmas gift subscription for him.
Posted by DC
- December 02, 2015, 11:19:17 AMI also get a publication called Farm Show magazine, based out of Minnesota, that always has some jokes. http://farmshow.com/ They also have lots of great articles on how people improvise and invent things with what they have laying around.
I like the article about using a zero turn mower for snowplowing. http://farmshow.com/view_articles.php?a_id=1605
Posted by Hoggy
- November 28, 2015, 20:53:25 PMAn old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
This is what transpired:
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything !!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer.
Posted by Troll
- November 23, 2015, 15:57:03 PMNot sure I want to, since this is a "family" site...I'll think about it.
Posted by DC
- November 23, 2015, 13:39:04 PMQuote from: Troll on November 21, 2015, 17:59:36 PMI used to visit Minnesota regularly to stay with one of my wives' relatives.One would almost swear you're from either Minnesota or Wisconsin.....ya know the one about the corn cob? How about Gary, Indiana? Then there is the circle...
Tell us about the corn cob, etc.
Posted by Troll
- November 21, 2015, 17:59:36 PMOne would almost swear you're from either Minnesota or Wisconsin.....ya know the one about the corn cob? How about Gary, Indiana? Then there is the circle...