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Posted by DC
- October 14, 2015, 13:48:59 PMA farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited. So he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry all of these purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?". The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.".
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?". "Why thank you very much.", he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.".
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?".
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?".
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.".
Posted by CDNRatMan
- October 11, 2015, 22:40:43 PMSex and Sunshine in the USA
79 million people are engaged in sex right now.58 million people are kissing right now.
37 million people are relaxing after having sex right now.
1 person is reading this post right now.
You hang in there sunshine
you know who you are sunshine........lol
Posted by 49Reo
- October 09, 2015, 00:19:40 AMA sad reality.....
This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.
He said: Up until Last week, I still had it all !!
A cook, cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school. . .. I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol,? Divorce...?
Oh No, nothing like that he said. No, no ... I got out of prison.Posted by 49Reo
- October 09, 2015, 00:17:46 AMSubject: Newfie Sensitivity Expert
Working at the top of a phone tower:
As they start their descent, Jim slips, falls off the tower, and is
killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, John says, 'Well, crappola,
someone's gotta go and tell Jim's wife.
Joe says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
John says, 'Where'd you get the beer, Joe?'
'Jim's wife gave it to me,' Joe replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she
gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Joe says. 'When she answered the door, I said to
her, "you must be Jim's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken.. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Newfies are good at that sensitive stuff.
Posted by 49Reo
- October 08, 2015, 16:31:58 PMPeople of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
world.
4. Hutterites do not recognize each other at Hooters or the Liquor Store. 
Posted by CDNRatMan
- October 05, 2015, 12:11:47 PMsad...so sad......but now with Babcock they will shine.....lol......
Posted by 49Reo
- October 05, 2015, 11:00:04 AMA Canadian joke.....
A little boy, standing in front of the family court judge, is asked: "do you want to live with your mother?"
Boy answered; "no"
"Why not?" asks the judge.
"Because she beats me," replied the little boy.
The judge asks, "okay, do you want to live with your father then?"
"No" says the boy.
"Why not?" Asks the judge
"Because he beats me," replied the boy.
The judge then asks, "then who do you want to live with?"
The boy replies...."I want to live with the Toronto Maple Leafs...'cause they don't beat anybody!"
Posted by pcarrell
- October 01, 2015, 14:30:03 PMI can post this because I'm blond.
Posted by DC
- September 22, 2015, 23:18:18 PMQuote from: chief on September 18, 2015, 17:17:27 PMYup, which is why I started posting in it again.I hope we will keep this joke post active forever. John started it, and it reminds me of him each time someone posts to it! Thanks!
Posted by Troll
- September 19, 2015, 20:50:47 PM 
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 19, 2015, 16:36:42 PMThis was posted today on the UK forum and with all the traffic about John thought this would be a good one....lol.....
Tetley (this is a tea) got me into trouble:Freind said the best way to get a cup of tea was to agitate the bag.
So I slapped her arse and said 'Put kettle on'
Posted by Troll
- September 19, 2015, 12:26:09 PMSounds good to me....
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 19, 2015, 10:50:22 AMOk so tonight in honour of Sir John Hopkins everyone have a sweet potato.......lol and mashed peas......
Posted by Troll
- September 19, 2015, 09:05:56 AMBARTENDER!. Set up a round of sweet potatoes for everybody, on ME!
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 18, 2015, 23:28:09 PMDo miss his dry sense of humour and his outlook on life.......