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Posted by DC
- September 22, 2015, 23:18:18 PMQuote from: chief on September 18, 2015, 17:17:27 PMYup, which is why I started posting in it again.I hope we will keep this joke post active forever. John started it, and it reminds me of him each time someone posts to it! Thanks!
Posted by Troll
- September 19, 2015, 20:50:47 PM 
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 19, 2015, 16:36:42 PMThis was posted today on the UK forum and with all the traffic about John thought this would be a good one....lol.....
Tetley (this is a tea) got me into trouble:Freind said the best way to get a cup of tea was to agitate the bag.
So I slapped her arse and said 'Put kettle on'
Posted by Troll
- September 19, 2015, 12:26:09 PMSounds good to me....
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 19, 2015, 10:50:22 AMOk so tonight in honour of Sir John Hopkins everyone have a sweet potato.......lol and mashed peas......
Posted by Troll
- September 19, 2015, 09:05:56 AMBARTENDER!. Set up a round of sweet potatoes for everybody, on ME!
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 18, 2015, 23:28:09 PMDo miss his dry sense of humour and his outlook on life.......
Posted by greenbarn
- September 18, 2015, 22:34:40 PMQuote from: chief on September 18, 2015, 17:17:27 PMI was thinking the same thing the other day....I hope we will keep this joke post active forever. John started it, and it reminds me of him each time someone posts to it! Thanks!
Posted by chief
- September 18, 2015, 17:17:27 PMI hope we will keep this joke post active forever. John started it, and it reminds me of him each time someone posts to it! Thanks!
Posted by 49Reo
- September 15, 2015, 22:25:25 PMAN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
Posted by Troll
- September 15, 2015, 20:43:43 PMYou are lucky....
Posted by CDNRatMan
- September 15, 2015, 20:40:43 PMGood one but I am not current enough on American politics to understand it......
Posted by greenbarn
- September 15, 2015, 20:08:08 PMThat's a new twist on the ending... I like it... LOL
Posted by 49Reo
- September 15, 2015, 17:04:05 PMA young Arkansas lad went off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue, how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says, "how do I get Ole' Blue into that program?"
"Just send him over here with $1,000," the young Arkie says, "and I'll get him in the course." So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. So the boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing, Son?" his Father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results, they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Really?! says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives and the Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester.
But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.
So she has him shoot the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something, and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal like he usually does." "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, "So, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
The Father went white, and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid married his girlfriend and they both went on to law school in Fayetteville.
He became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States.
Later, she was appointed Secretary of State and is now running for President...
Posted by DC
- August 31, 2015, 13:32:07 PMMechanics Daughter
Mechanic's Terminology -The joy of Daughters
The daughter asks her father, "Dad, there's something that my boyfriend said to me
that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
Her Dad replied, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to
check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his
headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust
pipe."